I love you with all my butt. Hold still. When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I want to be there in case it needs help. Every cloud has a silver lining. Youre so stupid it might sprain your brain. Try these funny comments with your friends. Youre lucky intelligence isnt measured in negative numbers. May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm. But friends like you lie on the floor with us and laugh our butts off together.
Microsoft's new AI chatbot has been saying some 'crazy and unhinged things' . Its a total jerk move, and while it can be infuriating (because of the condescending attitude behind it), it also reveals the poverty of wit on the side of the person using it. This insult accuses someone of being the son of far more than one puta ( "prostitute", also "bitch"): "Son of a thousand whores" is a perfectly ordinary phrase hurl at someone who has annoyed you. I know you got my last text because Cops doesnt start till 4. I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being. Try this: Call your friend and let them know you cant talk right now. No matter how many shmucks I meet in my life, I can always trust you to be the absolute worst. I wanted you to know its not my birthday yet, my birthday is [ ]. I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. Roses are red, violets are blue, the trash is dumped and so are you. No, no. Because thats how I feel right now. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. Best friends eat your lunch. You dont want to match their ridiculousness. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump to your IQ. Unfortunately, I dont have any resolutions to make since Im already perfect. It says a lot and nothing good about a guy who would immediately jump to this insulting conclusion. If you feel manic or you feel depressed on a particular day, its okay to acknowledge that. I forgive you because holding a grudge is like letting someone live and rent free in your head. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. Oh, you dont like being treated the way you treat me? Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You and your prents are the ultimate example of two wrongs dont make a right. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. Synonyms for Toxic (other words and phrases for Toxic). If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. Birthdays are the perfect opportunity to celebrate the people you love and make them feel special. Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out? You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. When everything in life is coming your way, youre probably in the wrong lane. Im still trying to figure out yours. Im visualizing duck tape over your mouth. A pain in the ass? Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it. Yours is a face that only a mother and a friend like me could love. /tts A rofl Train goes tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche wuuu wuuu wuuu tichdvdxtche tichdvdtche 11. That is, I did until I went out and bought a $3 bag of chips. Youre the type of person who cant read the room. You have a lot in common with the wart on my toe: Youre hard to get rid of, and I cant stand the pain you bring me daily. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? "You're doing it wrong. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, Id be broke. I only thought you talk behind my back! Need some hilarious things to say via text or IRL? Check out these 140 one-liners for extra funniness! Here are 140 funny things to say in any situation. 21. An apple a day keeps the doctor away if you throw it hard enough! 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm crazy. When someone says to you ur so retarted say oh sorry i didnt hear you i thought you were describing yourself, when someone says u cant even roast me back say OMG REALLY I DIDNT KNOW I COULD BURN TRASH, when someone is saying there so cool and they were also mean say to them god stop being delusianol ur not cool u think your freinds are saying things like omg he is such a legend u really think they are trust worthy, I called a pest exterminator, to exterminate you cause u look like trash. Just remember that you dont want to come across as too clingy. 345 other terms for toxic- words and phrases with similar meaning. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Until then, Im glad we have each other. Parts of speech. I'm not an astronomer but I am pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun and not you. Ive never had many life goals. Here are the best insults to use on your worst enemies, or more importantly, your best friends: I thought of you today. IT SPEAKS! Time to take your conversation game even further. Avoid jokes about sensitive or taboo topics and dont take it personally if someone doesnt think youre funny. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. (and then wait a few hours to reply with something totally random). And according to every test the doctor runs, theres nothing clinically wrong.. For example, you come home one day all fired up because someone at work infuriated you. Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken butt and wait. A sense of humor is being able to laugh at something that would actually make you mad if it happened to you. Its a real, diagnosable mental health disorder, and those who live with it arent just bipolar on certain days. Im not always hungry; sometimes Im sleepy, too. Everyone makes mistakes. You see that door? dont be ashamed of yourself, thats your parents job! "Oh, are you triggered?" 31. You sound like one of those bleeding-heart liberals., 12. Keep rolling your eyes. Allow me to assist you in never walking again. Can I have your name and phone number to call you back? People tell me to take a joke, but the only joke I see if you, omg it is your long lost brother: spongebob I"ll drown you so you can have a better life with him jerk. Forget about the presentI didnt get you one! Im sure youll enjoy that bonus content. That can be a good thing. I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch. I didnt think it was possible to give me more reasons to hate you until today. That is where most accidents happen.
14 Most Toxic Things Women Have Said To Men - BuzzFeed Why can't you just do it my way?" Say unexpected or random comments with a humorous tone. Congrats! My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships. Why do you have to be such a b*tch?, Why People Are So Mean And How To Deal With Them, 12 Of The Worst Negative Personality Traits That Are Truly Nasty, The Definitive List Of 100 Virtues To Live By, 13 Signs Youre In A Love-Hate Relationship, Wondering What You Should Do Today? A quirky joking message a few hours later can lighten the mood and remind them that they never responded. Ooooh someone call the cops because its got to be illegal to look that good. Oh, Im sorry. Im super excited for the new year. He believes in bringing about positive change through good-natured humor and innovative technology. You may also enjoy a bonus video below about the celebrity roasters.
Toxic Things Women Say To Men - BuzzFeed Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now. When I see food, I eat it. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Some people are particularly sensitive to the messages their body is sending them. And maybe youve felt called out, shamed, or devalued by someone elses thoughtless remarks. You can speak english?!? If youre going to be a smart ass, first you have to be smart, otherwise youre just an ass. OH MY GOD, Ive been waiting to hear from you all day. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Its the sound of me not caring. Is there an app I can download to make you disappear? Like my dog. Your the reason god created the middle finger, You're entitled to your incorrect opinion, You should really take a trip to hell, and take your parents with you, if i was you ide donate myself to a thrift store because thats where cheep crap goess, sorry my internet is slow but atleast im happy its not as slow as your brain, Was you born on a highway? Good job. 12. If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one pretty. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. Youre about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Your hairline look's like the KFC manager, The reason your mom cry's when cutting onion's because you turned out to be a big FAILURE. Youre an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. We might have the phrase "Son of a bitch" in English, but Spaniards take things a bit further. Not everyone is a natural-born comedian, but that doesnt mean you cant add a splash of humor and fun to your conversations. Roses r red, violets r blue, a face like yours belongs in a zoo. If whats fun for you isnt fun for the other person (and vice-versa), its okay to be honest about this and either separate or do things separately.
180 Best Insults to Destroy Your Enemies | Thought Catalog Id let you have the last french fry. Youre enough of an asshat as it is. Engaging in the argument is not worth itit fixes nothing, it usually generates more toxicity from that person and it risks tilting your entire team. Light travels faster than sound. But I had to pay admission. Ive been called worse things by better men. You do things that other people consider anal, paranoid, or ridiculous because you cannot NOT do them. While were alive, were likely to experience failure or success, as long as were still doing things and striving to reach our goals. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of Natural Disasters.. Isnt it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence?
All mistakes are fixable, yet you arent. Please just tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. If you suddenly die, Id immediately travel around the world to search for the seven dragon balls. 3. Im out of my mind be back in five minutes! Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know. If I could rearrange the alphabet Id put U and I together. Its no less insulting or mean-spirited than if you were to use a slur to directly attack someone who identifies as homosexual. In case your favorite roast isnt on the list below, your vote would add it to the list.
101 Funny Random Things To Say | Bergeron Knows Send Hahahaha and when they respond what, text back Oh I was laughing because I thought your thumbs fell off and you couldnt text anyone back. Im not going to repeat myself, but Im also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking. The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. I'm as useful as a white crayon on black paper. Here are a few of the best on the internet: Use the savage quotes below in order to show others that you are more intelligent than they are: The quotes below are perfect for showing someone you can handle yourself in a fight: When someone insults you, dont be afraid to use the comebacks below to insult them right back: These insults are brutal, but theyre also hilarious.